Cococurve
F51
How to talk to women on RHP (without being that guy)
April 24 2025
Adapted from a FL post written by @Stvrlightt_ but definitely relevant here.
Ah, another day, another DM from a man who thinks “Hey” is a personality trait.
Listen, I get it. You’re here because you love sex, you want to connect, and deep down, you believe that maybe, just maybe, sending one more unsolicited “Wanna fuck?” will finally get you laid.
Spoiler alert: It won’t.
So, if you’d like to stop being ignored, blocked, or publicly roasted in chat, let me help you out. Here’s how to actually talk to women on RHP — without making us cringe.
Step 1: Read the Damn Profile
Before you send that message, ask yourself:
Have I actually read anything she wrote?
Because if her profile says, “Not looking for DMs” and you DM her anyway, congratulations! You’ve just failed RHP101.
And no, sending “I know you don’t like DMs, but I’m different” does not count as reading. It counts as being annoying.
Step 2: Your Profile Matters More Than You Think
If your profile consists of:
❌ No photo (or worse, just a dick pic)
❌ A one-line bio that says “I’m new here, ask me anything”
❌ An interest list that’s just “Dominant, Master, Alpha”
Then sir, you are about as appealing as a pap smear.
Want women to take you seriously? Try:
✔ A picture of literally anything that isn’t your dick.
✔ A bio that shows who you are (and no, “I love sex” isn’t a personality).
✔ An interest list that actually says something interesting about you.
A little effort goes a long way.
Step 3: Messaging—How to Get an Answer
Let’s roleplay for a second (since I know some of you love that).
Imagine you’re at a bar. You see a woman you find interesting. Do you:
a) Walk up and grunt, “Hey.”
b) Say, “Wanna play?” without so much as an introduction.
c) Learn about her interests, find a shared one, and start a real conversation.
If you picked C, congratulations! You might actually get a response.
If you picked A or B, that’s exactly how bad your DMs look.
Here’s a winning formula:
✅ Start with something relevant (“Hey, I saw your comment in chat about what you’re getting up to this weekend—what’s your favourite thing to do when you’re not at work?”).
✅ Show respect and interest in her, not just what she can do for you.
✅ Avoid making demands (“You live near me, we should meet.” No, geographical proximity does not equal instant attraction).
Also, if she doesn’t reply? That is your answer. Do not send “???” or “Guess you’re not interested.” This is not customer service.
Step 4: Boundaries Are Not a Debate
Some men treat rejection like a puzzle they can solve if they just… argue… hard enough.
“I don’t play with people that are a lot younger than me” → “Why not? I don’t have a problem with it. You just haven’t found the right guy.”
“I’m not looking for a partner.” → “You just don’t know what you need yet.”
Let me be clear: If a woman sets a boundary, your job is to respect it, not negotiate it.
Step 5: Be Someone Worth Talking To
You know what actually makes men attractive here?
✔ Sharing interesting thoughts, experiences, and insights.
✔ Engaging in discussions without mansplaining or being creepy.
✔ Being patient, respectful, and treating women like people—not kink vending machines.
Basically, if you stop acting like a horny LinkedIn recruiter, you might actually have a shot at meaningful connections.
And if all this sounds like too much effort? Then my dear, RHP might not be for you.
Sincerely,
Coco - A Woman Who’s Seen It All
Comments
Alusttoshare
11 Jul 2025
I have to ask, what is the point in the no DMs? Aren't we here to DM people and if we aren't can't we shut that off?
Moorefun
08 Jul 2025
Hi Your very close
Excelsior93
26 Jun 2025
Also I have a question about the no reply part, I totally understand no reply=not interested generally or gets so many messages it can take a while to get through them all (not an issue I've ever had 😂. But my question is is it rude for me to acknowledge the no reply and wish them the best of luck in their search, because like everyone here we're all looking for connection in some way or another, so like is it ok to acknowledge if you're genuine
Excelsior93
26 Jun 2025
As a fairly new member to the scene, and someone with a thirst for knowledge.. this was not only informative but excellently well worded and structured, and no that I wasn't before but I feel I will make a much more actively conscious effort as to how I go about approaching things. I very much appreciate the help and any extra is always welcomed Thank You, you're a goddess ☺️
tropicdesire1
17 Jun 2025
Stop acting like a horny LinkedIn recruiter 😂😂😂😂 (Gold)
leddz86
08 Jun 2025
I definitely needed to read this I need to Improve my communication skills on here 🙏😔
Baby1212
25 May 2025
I hope everyone reads this, it’s absolutely spot on, Thankyou
Pretty_Face
24 May 2025
Love this
HotAF66
22 May 2025
Cococurve you are a LEGEND!! Couldn’t have said it better myself xxx
Blinded40
05 May 2025
Thanks Coco, So after following all that and already doing all that. How do guys get noticed on here? I send messages to potential matches asking how they are and asking about their interests. I put effort into my messages an profile yet still do not get any replies. Am lucky if i even get 1 profile a view a day.
Brendon255
03 May 2025
Well said. A good read. Thx Cococurve.
Couple4fun2828
02 May 2025
Very relatable for couple profiles also. If the profile says not interested in single males (hint hint) that means they are not looking, you guessed it, single males. Do not expect a reply if you can’t do the basics of reading and critical thinking ❤️
TheHappyCouple
01 May 2025
Wow! That was sooooooo valuable and insightful. Thanks Coco
NikkiJade83
01 May 2025
One guy recently because i didnt respond had sent me another message complaining about how he went through effort to message me and i couldnt even be decent enough to respond with "im not interested" Im like sheeesh if you seen my inbox id have to give you a very impersonal copy and paste message. because im not sitting there with every message to just say "not interested" it seems rude and a lot of the time they then ask "why?". I look at the profile and think well it doesnt match to mine there is no point in instigating more than that. This man however then went on a massive tangent. Which fired me up and i then told him like "im sorry, i didnt realise i HAD and was obligated to respond to you" he then went on to say that i couldve just told him that i was not interested. So i figured okay i will, so i then responded with "not interested"... Then his tone changes and is like thats okay maybe we can just chat away anyways and see how it goes... Im like eff me this is why i dont respond. Still wants to have chitchats. Wasted an hour of my life, shouldve just left it as the unresponded message lol.
SassyBrat727
30 Apr 2025
If only the people respected boundaries.
Bangable
30 Apr 2025
Just to call out that the point of the original post was to HELP guys who were struggling to start conversations - Thanks again Cococurve. This is a popular topic and I just wanted to mention there are features to prevent unwanted messaged. You can set your messaging to only accept messages from people you have liked of fav'd. This makes it work a little more like as normal dating app in that you have to match before sending messages. For those who are sick of receiving unwanted messages this could be for you. The trade off is that you have to browse profiles and like them for this to work. Ultimately anyone trying to strike up a conversation is showing interest in the other. If that were me I would be flattered, and even if I am not interested, they are still people with feelings and should not be treated poorly. Equally the people initiating shouldn't be upset that the other party does not reply or show interest in return. Yes it may feel like they are quick to judge but if they are saturated with messages, they will only be interested in the ones that stand out (again thanks for the tips Cococurve). I do think it is important that we recognise that everyone is different, and will communicate in different ways. "Hey, how are you" is a friendly opening line, even if it doesn't float your boat. Maybe the effort to chat further to find out more can seem like a chore when so many other messages are in competition. Both sides can pre-empt this with information in their profile about their likes and dislikes, and low effort reaps low reward. We also need to be mindful of not bringing the negative experiences from one interaction to the next. Obviously we need to look after our best interests, but as the comment box for this post says, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Spread the love (or lust) people, that is what we are really here for.
MsBrunette
28 Apr 2025
Amen sister. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Hopefully men here read this!!
Thesunlovingsub
28 Apr 2025
The “ask me anything” kills me. No mate, not my job to decipher literally every single thing about you. The RHP suggested one line bios are also an immediate no. If you can’t write your own bio you certainly can’t keep up with me on a date. Thanks for sharing. You’re doing Goddess work 🙏
ontheflipside
28 Apr 2025
Interesting post and I can see the effort behind it. I’m surprised this was posted under Erotic Stories. This reads more like a forum advice post, not a fictional/creative story as expected in this section. It would probably fit much better in a forum thread or a blog where people discuss communication and online behaviour. Not saying the content is wrong just that it’s misplaced for the section it’s in. Also, while the advice to men is solid, it’s worth pointing out that respect should be mutual. If someone puts real effort into a polite, thoughtful message being ignored without a word isn’t exactly good etiquette either. Respect goes both ways.
TwoLovers
28 Apr 2025
This list of do’s and do nots apply from a couples viewpoint too. As the male half typing this, it is the reason we decided to limit our search to other couples and females only.
0interestinONS
27 Apr 2025
Oh coco you just spelt out letter for letter why I went invisible and even that is questioned by some wondering why. Thankyou i hope it makes a difference but I doubt it. Most guys online are missing an important gene which unfortunately is necessary to develop intelligence
Niceguysfnshlast
27 Apr 2025
I’m sorry, whilst I commend your intentions, I really don’t think you understand individual personalities and have just broad stroked the whole thing. Just my opinion, happy to discuss
friendlypair2
27 Apr 2025
While it's crucial for men to approach respectfully and thoughtfully, it's equally important to recognise that treating people with basic courtesy goes both ways. If someone sends a kind, relevant, respectful message, simply ignoring it without a word isn’t the height of good manners either. We should encourage mutual respect not just demand better behaviour from one side.
Lifelovefun
27 Apr 2025
Absolutely agree, our messages are always thought out and respectful, and we usually end it by saying if we aren’t for you then that’s ok, enjoy your journey as much as we do, however, when you do take the time to write a thought out greeting it can also be a little disheartening when you don’t get so much as a no thank you even when we can see it has been read, then again we also understand that single women especially will have a crazy full inbox, in any case we will continue to be respectful and do it our way, it’s been successful for us so far in the main.
Rapture
27 Apr 2025
Nothing worse than an opening like “babygirl ur so sxcy i cud eat you all night” 🤢😂
meow4u
27 Apr 2025
The problem being is that guys that message the above won’t read the profiles they are sending said messages to
Pebbles8
27 Apr 2025
Perfect
LatoyaJ
27 Apr 2025
💯
Hotgreydaddy
27 Apr 2025
How about a woman who actually makes the first move and reaches out. If you going to lead with a cleavage photo what do you expect.
GeorgeNMildred
27 Apr 2025
Love it. So much good advice in so few words. 😀
Darrens8in
27 Apr 2025
Thanks for advice you are absolutely amazing
Slimpickings
27 Apr 2025
I agree. All woman who are respectful should be treated accordingly. . But, what a person gets sent message wise in chat is often a reflection of how that treat others or what they say in chat People who are mean to others, spread gossip or make sarcastic comments about other women or guys, shouldn’t expect others to respect them, I will always be respectful until I am shown disrespect . And, totally agree, about chatting about what they like, however a lot of women don’t want to share much about themselves , they like to keep this part of their life separate from their real world, so, often the questions can be taken as being too inquisitive I know my fwb is like that. Thank you for your advice, any coaching is welcome, Cheers
ted9966
27 Apr 2025
Good stuff
BiPeggyGal
27 Apr 2025
I agree with recommendations on the Chat room. You can talk to people and also there are silent observers in the chat room who check out profiles, I often get contact from people that way.
Endowed9x6
27 Apr 2025
Thankyou coco i personally appreciate the advice as it's hard to get to chat to ladies... so i appreciate it
DoraTheSexplorer
27 Apr 2025
Spot on!!!!
Scotty_S94
27 Apr 2025
I mean it makes perfect sense and myself have been a culprit of those rubbish messages in the past maybe not too bad but to a point. And it really does make a difference reaching out and connecting over shared interests or if your interests don't align then and just then take an interest in there's and see if it's what you can do. If not then no point in continuing unless you become friends in the scene itself 💁♂️
DeadlyDelicious
27 Apr 2025
Stoo 💬 with wrong 🗣️
Hold_me
27 Apr 2025
💯
Yamisou
27 Apr 2025
Thanks for your advice. It's very helpful
LMR6969
27 Apr 2025
What’s being over looked on here is it’s such a tilted medium fatigue sets on on both parties. I’ve seen it from sides as a single man profile and a couples profile.
Alwayshavnfun
27 Apr 2025
I thought this was a fuckn site fuck if u want a sweet talking man go to a proper dating site and leave this one for the girls that just need and want to have a good time
loveYOURpleasure
27 Apr 2025
Thanks for the post. Having been on here a long time, there have been many versions of posts like this over time but (sadly) always worthy of the reminder for those who may be new (to human interaction) or who may have forgotten. I think it applies regardless of gender but appreciate that it’s generally guys who are sending the first message. Or maybe that’s just my account not being of interest! 🙃 As someone once said: You only get once chance to make a good first impression. Perhaps the only thing I would add is that even if you follow all the advice, just remember that there are zero guarantees of the message being read or replied to; and that’s fine, that’s life. Being the best that you can be is the only thing you can control.
mon_inkedbrat
27 Apr 2025
After reading this both on Fetlife and RHP, these are my thoughts as a Brat. RHP (RedHotPie) differs from Fetlife in that it’s generally less kink-driven and more sex-driven. While Fetlife tends to focus on community-building around kinks, fetishes, and alternative lifestyles, RHP is more straightforward about casual encounters and sexual connections without necessarily being rooted in kink culture. Because RHP is so sex-focused, communication can sometimes be a little trickier. Some people hesitate to clearly express a “no” or set their boundaries because, unfortunately, when you do, it’s not uncommon to receive rude or aggressive reactions. Instead of respecting a polite decline, some users might lash out or dismiss you with comments like “this is a sex site, maybe it’s not for you,” which can make setting and maintaining boundaries feel more intimidating than it should be. Clear communication and respect should always be the standard, but on RHP, it’s important to be prepared for the fact that not everyone handles rejection gracefully.
The_Milkman
27 Apr 2025
Really solid post overall, Coco - a lot of what you’ve written is absolutely spot on. Respect, effort, reading profiles properly, and approaching people like actual humans (not just kink dispensers) should honestly be the baseline, not something that needs to be spelled out. That said, I also think there’s another side to this that’s worth acknowledging, like someone else mentioned. Sometimes women can be just as bad - setting up a bare minimum profile, expecting men to do all the work, ignoring respectful, thoughtful messages, and still complaining about “no good men.” It’s not always a one-way street. Boundaries absolutely deserve respect, no debate there. But so does basic courtesy back the other way too - replying if you’re not interested, not farming attention, and recognising that online interaction is a two-way effort. At the end of the day, both men and women can sometimes treat others poorly online. It’s just amplified because dating sites naturally attract a mix of genuine people, lazy ones, and a few who really shouldn’t be there at all. Life is what it is and so is dating. Doesn’t mean we stop trying to be better though right?
Bangable
27 Apr 2025
Good write up Coco, thanks for sharing. I would only add that not everyone wants the same thing on RHP. There is no single approach that will work for everyone and judging someone from a single message is a harsh system. The men are clearly more thirsty than the women, who are saturated with messages. I think writing a personal bio that tells people something about you seems to give you better chances, but you are still 1 of many messages that might not get seen. The men need to be patient and polite, but I guess the women could be a little more understanding that many of the guys rarely get a response, regardless how they try to communicate. We all need to be kind to each other and remember that we are here to connect, not argue ❤️
AussieKisser
27 Apr 2025
The only problem for some of us blokes that do what you recommend is we get lost in the 100 DM's that are very off-putting. It is hard but I keep trying
Allstar
27 Apr 2025
On the flip side an informative profile is important, for woman as well. tho in different ways they clearly don't respond to the same responses the same way, even if you do incorporate their bio And that's assuming they have one. Often they don't or its autermated or its 90% things they hate. I would say keep the do nots a short seperate list no need to explain why. Then make shor your profile gives us a good idea how you want to be treated right off the bat so a direct propersistion you might just focuse on what you want in the bedroom. If you want a connection then tell us what you love to do outside the bedroom and work not just you are busy with work and life things same goes for personality. Also instead of a pass word in your bio why not have some interesting anicdote, or have some interesting pics that are shore to get a response other then your hot or want to fuck? In short it's often feels like we are rolling the same dice regardless of what we reply with, and that makes it really hard to lurn what works and dose not. Because it might be the right response for the right person but we don't really know what the person we are talking to is like.
Lookingforfun73
27 Apr 2025
Thanks Cococurve love it ..
Fairywings
27 Apr 2025
I live at in coffs harbour, how do I go fir a gang bang of 2 or 3 large cocks.
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